Well here it is October of Hannah's 6th grade year. Of course the old cliché applies. How did this happen? How is my child a "middle
schooler". To be honest this means
nothing to me in the way that it should.
It means that my little girl is growing up and over the course of a few
short months her entire life has changed.
Her life...yes, school is her life. I say that so that I can place the
importance on school that it deserves. A
student is what my 11 year old is at this moment in time. It makes up so much of what she focuses on
both academically and socially. It is
the place that she is learning to function in the "real world". So what does being a middle schooler mean to me? It does not mean to me that my
child is ready to face things with more autonomy. It does not mean to me that I need to
"butt out" and let her figure things out on her own. But doesn't it?
These are the questions that I am contemplating right now. This move has been much more difficult for me
than it has been for her. I
promise.
So the question remains... How much involvement is required
in her life right now? Now, we all know
that I am a very involved and quite overprotective mom. I know I am this way and up until recently it
really hasn’t mattered. All
"elementary kids" benefit from an involved parent. The elementary staff loves parental
involvement. This has always worked out
wonderfully for me, since I enjoy being front row in Hannah's life watching
with love and wonder as she grows and learns.
But, a new era has started and this Momma is going to have to adjust.
Deep breath. Change. It's just change. I love change...Okay, I hate change! I especially hate change that means I have to
let go a little. But, I can change and that is what is important. The problem for me is deciding how to change
and what exactly is needed from me at this point in her life. I mean sometimes I feel like I am the only
mother struggling with these issues. I
see other moms who go about their daily lives being perfect at this mothering
thing. They duck and weave, roll with
the punches, and execute this juggling act masterfully. Then there is me. I am stumbling and praying. I am probably on God's nerves just a little
with as much as I talk to him about Hannah and this job he entrusted me
with. He is probably really wishing he
had just left me with my fur babies at this point. Seriously, it is hard for me. I want to be a
great mother and I'm not always sure that I am doing it right.
Middle school has been fabulous. The teachers are wonderful. She is learning so much. She comes home everyday very excited about
her activities. The faux "real
life" drama has started during non-class times. You know...the "he wrote me this
note", "she is so dramatic, but we are friends"… She is figuring
out how to navigate various personalities.
Her standards are being tested and she is making decisions daily about
who she is and what she will and will not find acceptable. It is really quite fascinating to watch your
children grow. So much learning takes
place outside the classroom at school.
But, with middle school there have been a couple hiccups. I guess those are kind of part of the
learning process too. Which brings me to
my point. My child is experiencing
"life". She is learning to
hurdle obstacles and how to respond to people and situations. It is very hard for me to let her do this
without me. I have not been able to
figure out how to protect her from negativity.
I wanted her to get elected to student council and my heart was broken
when she was bummed out about it. I want
her to only have positive interactions with people and it breaks my heart when
I feel like she has to endure an unnecessary negative one. I don’t want her to have D-Hall because she
cant get to her locker, poor baby, but she got it. I want her to master every academic challenge
thrown at her, but she still struggles with a few things and I feel helpless to
solve her problems for her. OH MY GOODNESS! What is that you say God? It is not my place to solve her problems
for her? WHAT? I am her mother! Yes...yes.
I know I have been praying for your guidance and here I sit in Connect
and you decide to slap me in the face with this while I am trying to lead a
small group for the first time! Really God?
Sigh. Okay. Okay... I'm listening
to the actual words coming out of my mouth.
Words that I thought you meant for these middle school girls not me. Yes my fellow parents God did this to me
Sunday.
I excitedly approached the youth building for Connect, what
my church calls Sunday School. Earlier
in the week I had been asked to sub for a class that does not have a
leader. Now, I have been praying about
God's guidance on this topic. I have
wanted to lead a small group, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous or cause any
awkwardness by asking and being told, "Uhm, no." So I just volunteered in the capacity I had
been asked and continued to pray that if God wanted me to lead a group he would
open the door to that possibility. When
the text came through asking me to help I was just ecstatic. Of course, this is a huge thing, to lead
children at church. It is a
responsibility I don’t take lightly at all.
So, when I got my material for Sunday I reviewed it numerous times. I read and re-read the verses, went over the
study material's objectives, and prayed that God give me the right words for
these girls. Large group started and our
youth pastor began to teach on the scripture.
I really enjoyed the lesson as I always do, and my stomach flipped a
little when he dismissed us to small group.
I followed my girls upstairs to the room where we would further discuss
the lesson the youth pastor had presented.
I start out with an introduction and told the girls how
excited I was to be leading them today.
They were so beautiful and very sweet to me. We jumped right into the
lesson. I explained to the girls that I
loved to talk and visit, but I was serious about God and I knew that he wanted
us to keep our discussions focused on him and his place in our daily lives. I
explained how this would help them make better decisions and understand
everyday things better. They were very
excited and we began our discussion.
Now, the weeks lesson was about when Jesus was with the disciples in a
boat and the storm came. Jesus was asleep and they became fearful. Jesus awoke and calmed the storms. Our youth pastor had touched on something in
large group that resonated with me. I
began the discussion by making sure everyone understood that we were going to
talk about this physical storm in relation to our "life storms". The girls began to open up and share some of
their personal struggles. Then I began
to speak to them and God simultaneously began to connect the dots of my over
protective mom dilemma. "Girls, like Brandon said earlier. Sometimes God asks you to get in the boat and
the storm still comes. Sometimes even as
Christians bad things happen to us...divorce, bullying, loss. How do you all feel about that?" The girls gave wonderful thoughtful answers
about trusting God, and I pushed forward.
"But, there are times when things happen that we feel are
unfair. I want you girls to understand
that God is not concerned with your comfort level. He is concerned with your
eternity. When we get really comfortable
in life...we tend to not feel as though we need God in the center of
things. Another thing is that we don’t
always seem to get is that God's will surpasses our understanding. Sometimes we are looking at the immediate,
but God is looking at the long term.
Sometimes you feel like a door is shut, but God is opening up the
opportunity to serve him better and grow closer to him. Maybe he is putting you in a circumstance to
share God's message with someone who needs it.
We have to stop asking God for what we want and ask him instead for what
he wants." I took a deep breath and
realized that I had accepted this for myself, but I had not yet accepted it for
Hannah. THE LIGHTBULB WAS SHINING SO BRIGHT OVER MY HEAD I HAD TO SQUINT.
Over the last few weeks I have prayed to God at length about
giving Hannah over to him. I want him to
have her and do with her life what he sees fit, but I really didn’t feel that
way. What I was saying to God is, Will
you please make sure this child I love never suffers and that life comes really
easy to her. Let her get good grades, go to a great college, meet the perfect
Christian man at the perfect time, marry, have beautiful little babies, and die
peacefully surrounded by loved ones at a very old age. But, in this moment God revealed to me that
an easy and perfect life may not prepare my child for what he has planned for
her. He showed me that smooth seas don't
make skillful sailors. I know it sounds
silly and I "knew this", but God helped me to understand this
in this moment when I was trying to give understanding to a room of middle
school girls. You see it is similar to
knowing about Jesus and knowing who Jesus really is. If you have experienced salvation that will
make perfect sense to you.
Suddenly I realized that I need to let go a little where it
concerns Hannah. He wants me to really
give her to him. Allow him to let her
experience life...the good, the bad, and the ugly. He wants me to allow him to help her learn to
navigate these things. Now, I do realize
Hannah is just 11, and I still play a huge role in her life. No worries I am not kicking her out of the
house tonight. I am just going to work
on backing off a little bit and allow her how to make decisions and understand
consequences without me interceding and "making it all ok". After all when she leaves our home for
college her curriculum wont be the only thing she faces. She will need to be able to trust herself and
the decisions she will make in her life.
Hopefully, when she is really confused she will always know Moma is just
a phone call away (only if she really needs me)...
