Happiness (Poem)

Happiness is...
My daughters beautiful face.

My husbands warm embrace.

Piano music dancing through our home from her beautiful little fingers.

Hymns he plays for church as the Holy Spirit lingers.

The sound of her voice when she sings in the shower.

His whisper "I love you" with a fresh picked flower.

Her sweet little hand in mine and the comfort it gives.

His soft lips on mine as a reminder, after all these years, our passion still lives.

Happiness is simple despite our attempts to complicate...

Just stop and remember its the smallest things we should appreciate.

The Meaning of Life

Daytime is almost over, but it is not nighttime just yet.  The sky is illuminated by the setting sun, and the ground is covered in splotchy shadows.  A warm breeze blows over my face, but I can feel a hint of coolness creeping in from the night that is patiently and slowly consuming the day.  I take a deep breath and inhale the smell of honeysuckle and a hint of smokiness from someone’s BBQ grill. I love this time of the day.  It is my favorite time to walk; which says a lot because I do not enjoy exercise.  I do it, but I don’t like it! As I begin my walk through our neighborhood I look closely at the homes I pass.  There is something I find comforting about the glow of a lamp light or the blinking of a TV screen from the front windows I pass.   My mind immediately wonders to the family that lives inside the home.  Who are they? What is their routine? Are they happy or sad?  It is this time of the day that most people gather inside their houses and make them into homes.  

I finish my walk and round the curve, and I see my home.  I think about how happy this little house makes me.  Not because of the structure itself.  It is nothing elaborate; in fact it is quite common.  But, you see my happiness and contentment are found in what waits me on the inside. This home represents who I am in this world, my purpose.  I imagine there are some reading this that just shudder in pity at this thought. After all, who could find their life’s purpose in such ordinary circumstances?  It all seems so cliché: the house, the minivan, the dogs, the husband, the child.  They might say, “She may live her whole life as this…nothing.  This tiny spec on the earth that came and went without any recognition or reverberation.  Sure she loved her husband, she worked hard, raised a child; most do.  Surely there was more she could have accomplished.  There had to be more that she wanted to do with the life she was given…”

It is hard for me to articulate how I feel about life.  Thirty-one years have come and gone so quickly.  Many of those years with enough sadness to fill the rest of my days, but many of them with more happiness than I deserve.  So I sit here at 32, a wife (yawn) and a mom (double yawn) living in a small town (a coma), and I know without a doubt that this life I live, as common as it may seem to some, is actually breathtakingly awesome!  My story is unique and beautifully written by the hand of God. He has placed the scenes in perfect order, from the struggles of my childhood to the moment James got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.  The miracle of bringing our daughter into this world, and the fear I might lose James as he battled illness.  The triumphs and the setbacks…  The love and the anger...  The strength and wisdom gained through trails that were necessary for our growth. The blank pages that are yet to be written...  As I look forward to what is to come I don’t feel the need to find holes in the plot in order to insert my own doubt and drama.  

I look at those around me who struggle with identity and purpose and I see desperation as the search for uniqueness and originality in their lives seems forced.  It reminds me of a toddler pounding a square peg into a round hole becoming infuriated when it just doesn’t fit.  My experiences have taught me that anything forced is just …not.  It has become very apparent to me the thing that ultimately sets us apart from the people around us is Serenity, in whatever form it is found within your life.  How many people do you know right now that seem truly tranquil with their current circumstances? Not an absence of any negativity, but calmness in their response to the chaos?  Now how many do you know that just seem lost?  They appear to not know who they are and that they may never even find themselves.  They are physically present every day in their lives, but emotionally and spiritually they are running around in circles screaming.  Serenity is found when one looks to God for peace and direction.  It truly is that plain and simple, but most wonderful things in life are just that, plain and simple.  

I pray that one day I can articulate to the world what it feels like when you finally let go and let God.  It is more than a picture quote in a Facebook news feed.  It is more than a tear filled testimony in church on Sunday morning.  It is your whole heart and your whole life.  Suddenly you don’t know where you end and God begins.  Things that used to seem so important and so scary…don’t anymore.  The human part of you still exists and you retain the good sense God intended you to have in order to live a functional life. Worry and fear do serve a purpose.  But in the big scheme of things you suddenly know exactly who you are…no excuses and no need to justify it to anyone.  

The meaning of my life is simple, and I prefer it that way. There is a quote that I love, “Raise your words, not your voice.  It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”- Rumi.  The same can be said for the lives we live.  There comes a point when you realize all the noise that you make is simply an attempt to distract yourself from what is missing.  Quiet down and listen to God.  The plain and simple will reveal itself.  And you may find that the mark you leave on this earth, even as something simple, such as a wife and mom in a small town in the middle of nowhere, will be more magnificent than what you ever imagined possible… if God is in control of it.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. ~ Romans 12:2