Certainly Blessed by an iPhone

The I log onto Instagram, scroll past a picture of my friend's pan of delicious pumpkin rolls with a funny note attached, "Do not eat until Thanksgiving", and I smile.  I scroll past another Instagram friend's bible verse.  I read it, and am thankful for her many post of God's word.  It's nice to feel his presence on my social media.  Then a picture pops up in my feed, and I pause.  It's my daughter posing for a picture taken by her new iPhone 6S Plus.  I'm not sure what the "S" or the "plus" stand for other than a bit of extra money, but they are there tacked to the end of the phone's name on the box it came in. The captions under her selfie reads, "I got an iPhone 6s plus and I am so happy!   Thanks @hannahsmom614 and James Howell a.k.a mom and dad for getting me this.  I am certainly blessed!!!" I read that last line again, "...I am certainly blessed."  For a moment it doesn't set well with me.  To be honest, it still doesn't.  Let me pause here because I don't want you all to think that I push my 12 year old to the brink of sanity with what is right and wrong every waking moment of the day.  At least, I don't feel like I do.  However, somewhere along the way Christians, myself included, have started watering down God on every possible level, and I am afraid I am passing this down to my daughter. This very post only confirms my fears. 

Somehow the world has convinced us that we need to put God into a box confined by reason and most importantly intelligence.  We, as Christians, want to at every turn justify why we believe in God.  Oh that miracle...well, what if God did so and so, which makes your science correct, but also makes my God possible?  I do this all the time. Why?  I get so tickled at us humans; we are a funny bunch.  We are all here on this Earth working so hard to prove we are superior.  We are better than everyone else at our jobs, our marriages, parenting, hobbies, and the list goes on.  Somewhere in this race, I have gotten caught up in the notion that my God has to run this race right along with me.  When one of my very intelligent friends ask me if people of the bible were riding dinosaurs or how Noah built a boat the size of Florida my immediate response is to come up with some scientifically sound answer that justifies the creator of everything.  Let that sink in for a moment.  I, Jodie Howell, 34 year old mom/nurse with a mere bachelor’s degree from a local university am trying to justify the actions and spoken word of the creator of EVERYTHING.  But, I play into this with people because... because they will think I am stupid for believing in something that can't be proven using their scientific reasoning. There is no hypothesis, experiment, or analysis that can prove my God to these people.  All the research out there seems to do just the opposite at times. So, the conclusion must be that I am a moron.  And, I don't like to be a moron.  Who does?  So, I tell myself to just nod and say something humorous like, "Hmmm.  I don't know.  He must have had a lot of patience and time to build a boat that big.   I think people in his time lived to be like 600!"  Then I smile and let them know that they've won the argument.  They are the superior minded non-believer who has figured it all out.  Why can't I just say, "Noah was working under the commission of God, and my God is great enough to produce a boat the size of the United States upon uttering the word "Ahoy"!  I'm sure he would pick a more majestic word, but the point remains.  He is God, and my faith should not waiver at someone who thinks they are so intellectually advanced that they no longer gaze about this planet and wonder.  It's absolutely amazing. I read a quote recently, and it really gave me comfort.  It read, "The sign of intelligence is that you are constantly wondering.  Idiots are always dead sure about everything they are doing in life." -Vasudev.  I am not sure who this fella is, but I must agree with him.  From my 34 years of experience this holds true.  People who wonder realize their place in the universe, and more importantly they are comfortable with it. I personally know God is real in my life because I feel his presence. I feel is strongly. It is present when I experience peace amongst the madness that is life. And, that's enough proof for me. That is faith.

Back to the newest product of the most intellectually advanced of them all, the iPhone 6S (don't forget the plus)!  By whatever means I have managed to water down my God's power and authority, I have also managed to water down his blessings. I love social media.  I log on daily and enjoy stories from my friends and family members, who like me, love the Lord and are very thankful for his blessings.  We get a new home, a new piece of jewelry, a new car, a relaxing week in front of blue waters, and we are #blessed.  We are not just blessed, we are hashtag blessed.  This is a blessing beyond anything we can articulate less a pound sign.  Do you hear me fellow Christians?  Let me be the first to tell you that I am one of the most #blessed people you will ever meet.  I live in White Hall, AR right smack dab in the heart of the USA.  The main stream discord with my religion has not yet reached my hometown, positioned comfortably in the Bible belt.  Thankfully, we run just a beat behind mainstream.  As a matter of fact, it wasn't until just this year that my local school district was threatened by the ACLU to stop our prayers before school sponsored events. I live in a beautiful home, my husband and I drive fairly new cars without any pesky engine issues.  We have all the modern comforts one could hope for, and likely not live without, such as flat screen TVs, iPhones, pillow top mattresses, matching dinnerware, and hand towels.  Funny story about hand towels and bathroom sink soap.  This is something I did not realize you were supposed to have when I was younger.  We never did in my childhood home, but we were lucky to have toothpaste and a toothbrush.  Anywho, you can certainly see why hand towels fling me right outta the blessed bucket over into the #blessed one. Now, I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking, "Jodie.  This all does seem a bit blessed.  What is your point?"  Well, my point is this: What if being blessed had less to with your hand towels and more to do with what you have done for God.  What if instead of considering an iPhone 6s Plus a blessing my daughter considered winning souls for Christ a blessing?  What if we, as a family, felt the gratification of serving God equal to that of getting a new item or a bigger pay check?  What if we mentioned the fact that we were Christians when it did not benefit us, instead of when it does?  Because, right now to be a Christian where I live is a benefit.  The title means you are a good trustworthy person, who is covered by God's grace. When good things happen to you, people "like" your #blessed post and think to themselves, "God takes care of his children."  When something bad happens to you people are crushed, and assure you that this is merely God preparing you for better things ahead. After all, God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. But, soon I fear a time will come when being a Christian is going to mean something much different for the ones who proclaim it, right here in my little town.  I fear that this will certainly happen in my daughter’s lifetime.  I fear that she will not understand what it means to be "blessed", and because I have not taught her what that means she will question God's presence in her currently very comfortable life.  

If my family woke up tomorrow in a shack with a dirt floor forced hide in a dark room to pray together, memorize the words of the bible because to carry one was unacceptable, and praise him in secret for fear of retribution would my daughter still feel blessed? Would the ability to just to call herself a child of God be enough?  How much value have I, her mother, placed on this?  Sure, I have said all the right things.  We go to church on Sundays.  Extra Points... She even goes on Wednesday nights for youth!  We love to listen to K-Love.  It is very uplifting as we drive in out temperature controlled car to various places.  She learned the books of the bible and the Ten Commandments.  She even has a bible app on that brand new phone! All of these things, very important.  But, does she comprehend that above everything: the material things, the social things, the learning experiences, the praise times, the family bible studies; the one thing that she should consider a blessing is her relationship with God.  If we woke up tomorrow with literally nothing outside of his love, would my 12 year old feel very blessed? Would I feel very blessed?

I realize there is nothing wrong with having material things. I cannot explain why God placed me here and another one of his children in a country where death is a possibility for serving him. But, I hope that I can help my daughter to really understand the power of the God we serve, and with that understanding an appreciation for the blessing of simply being his child. 

Dear Daughter: You're Doing Great. Really.

My mind is frayed.  I swipe my badge to clock out, sprint across the parking lot of work, and jump in my car.  I’m about to turn the key in my ignition when my phone buzzes.  I know before I take it out of my pocket who it is.  I pull my phone out and see the name.  Hannah.  The message reads, “Hey”.  I smile because I know she has so much to tell me about her day, and the “hey” is merely to see if I can take her call.  I’m not in a late meeting baby girl… I think to myself.  I slide my finger across the screen and skip texting back.  I just go ahead and make the voice call.  A sweet little voice comes over the phone, “Hey mama.  How was your day?”  “Super boring!” I answer back in an exaggerated tone, which makes her laugh.  “Did anybody get mad at you?”  I smile knowing that she listens to her Dad and I talk too closely.  “Just a few crabby people, but you know the computers drive people nuts.” I assure her.  She giggles because it baffles her that computers could be difficult for anyone.  She has been using them since she was a toddler.  The tech generation, I guess. I’m on my way out of the parking lot, and I go ahead and ask the question, that I know will not receive such a simple answer.  “So how was your day?”  The floodgates open.  We go period-by-period, first through eight, and talk about her day. 

As she begins explaining all of her day I think to myself, You’re doing great. I’m beginning to feel like the only parent who remembers puberty and middle school.  It was pretty atrocious.  I mean if we just count the hormone shifts alone, it can easily be counted as one of the most confusing period of one’s life.  I listen to her first catastrophe.  One of her teachers said she didn’t turn in an assignment.  She knew she had.  She was just about to have a complete “anxiety attack” when she found it.  It literally took her all class period to calm back down.  I smile. You’re so smart and responsible baby girl.  If you miss one assignment, it’s no reason to have a panic attack… The thought rolls through my head, and I decide to share it with her.  “You know honey.  You aren’t perfect.  You will miss assignments.  You will do things you want to kick yourself for, but it’s not the end of the world.  It will remind you to be more aware and keep up with things better in the future.  She pauses, “Well, I still panicked, mom. I mean I can’t just miss assignments! I’ll get bad grades.”  I smile and laugh. “I know honey, but you always turn your work in.  I really don’t think you are going to start just not doing your work.”  She agrees and we move on. 

The conversation shifts to the social aspect of her day.  “Let me tell you what this girl said to me today!” She goes into great dramatic detail about how a girl she once considered a friend has now made it a personal mission to make her life miserable.  “She just goes out of her way to be mean to me!  I don’t get it.  I’m not going to just sit around and let her keep being this way toward me.  Do you think I should?  I’m going to just tell her we aren’t friends anymore?”    I pause for a moment because the mom in me momentarily wants to assume the best of my daughter and make her out to be a complete victim in my head.  But, I am a realist and I’m sure she is not 100% innocent in whatever spat has come about with this little girl.  I then remind myself how absolutely normal and even healthy it is for girls her age to figure relationships out, to a certain extent.  There is no bullying or physical fighting, so to me it’s all perfectly normal.  You are learning how to manage relationships sweetie.  It stinks, but not everyone is nice.  Not everyone you consider a friend, is truly a friend.  So I offer my two cents.  “Hannah, are you asking me if you should confront this person and tell them you are no longer their friend?” I ask.  “She pauses considering my tone, I suppose.  “Well, yes.  I mean I am just over it and I want to tell her.” She replies slightly defensive of her position.  “Well, first I am not you.  You are your own person and you are going to do what you decide, but my advice is to not do that.  Let me just ask you this, what are you hoping that conversation will accomplish?”  She thinks it over, “I don’t know, mom.  My feelings are hurt…” I cut her off, “ …And you want to hurt hers back?” She immediately responds, “No! I do not.  I stay quiet for a minute and let her ponder it.  “Honey.  I can’t imagine what else this would accomplish.  You can distance yourself, and create boundaries.  If she is rude to you, let her know that she can’t talk ugly to you and expect you to want to be around her.  But be kind.  You have no idea what is going on in this person’s life.  Sometimes you take your home life for granted.  Not everyone has a peaceful happy secure home, like you.  They are fighting battles you know nothing about.  I share some of my childhood to drive the point home.  I’m trying to help her associate the feelings of love and protectiveness she has with me to this little girl.  Her tone lightens and she adds, “ Plus, I represent God.  He would show love.  I smile into the phone about to pull onto her grandpa’s street.  That’s it kiddo.  You see what is right.  You’re heart feels what is right…listen to it.  You will lose your temper.  You will say things you regret, but you can try to be the best person you can be.

 I pull into the driveway.  She comes out of the door with her heavy book bag on her shoulder, her lunchbox in one hand and her flute in the other.  I’m certain she has a mountain of homework, and wants to practice her flute.  She will have to eat, study, practice, and generally keep going until bedtime.  I know you are tired sweet girl, but you are learning about dedication and commitment.  You are learning that If you want something in life it will never be handed to you.  She climbs in my car, and shuts the door.  We start to back out.  “Do you have a lot of homework?”  Yes, but two of the subjects are pretty short, and my other one is kind of interesting.  I’m looking forward to it.”  She says in a serious tone.  I smile.  “Well, that is good I suppose.”  You need to do the dishes when we get home, ok.  I momentarily consider doing them for her, but change my mind.  Dishes are her chore and she needs to learn that the money we give her is only ours because we work for it.  She needs to have the feeling of accomplishment that comes when she is paid $20.00 on Friday for a job well done all week.  “Okay.” she says as she moves on to another topic, continuing our phone conversation.  She continues to talk non-stop until we arrive home.  She stops doing dishes approximately 1,000 times as she recalls yet one more thing she has to tell me about, while I maneuver around her in our tiny kitchen to cook. 

Her Dad walks in the door, and we are happy to see him.  We ask how his day is, and he says, “Fine.”  He asks me how my day was, and I give my standard uneventful answer.  He turns to Hannah, and asks her.  The conversation starts all over again, but something wonderful happens.  She talks to him with new perspective.  Perspective I’ve offered earlier.  She is more confident about the weaknesses she has discovered about herself on this day, and more sure about the decisions she has made.  We pray over our dinner and she continues to talk.  Oh how she talks.  Her Dad and I nod and interject when we can.  I sit and think this is amazing.  Being your mom is amazing.  You are a beautiful ball of imperfections figuring out this crazy thing called life. 

To my daughter:

You are doing great kiddo.  Life is complex and confusing.  As you grow you will realize that things and even people aren’t what you assumed they were.  Sometimes that will disappoint you, but sometimes it will delight you.  You make me proud everyday, even during times when you feel like a complete failure.  So many times I just want to tell you what to do, but I know that you have to figure this all out on your own, with my motherly advice of course.  The good thing about you is that you are harder on yourself than Dad and I could ever be.  You have a kind heart and a sweet spirit.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Life is never about perfection, but about learning how to use your imperfections to improve yourself and inspire others.  You are covered in God’s grace and love.  I know he has great plans for you.  Everyday you grow and mature.  My heart breaks a little, because you are my baby, but mostly it is just filled with pride at the remarkable human being you are becoming.  I hope, if nothing else, Dad and I show you the importance of a genuine and real life.  Celebrate being human. Embrace the imperfections, because it reminds you daily why you need God in your heart.

Love Mom