One Soul, Two People, Forever Love (Part 1)

I pulled up the familiar drive in my blue Geo metero, the car my grandma left me when she passed away a couple of years earlier.  This drive was one I had taken many times before as I visited her.  Since her death making this drive makes me very sad. I kept her handkerchief in the glove box so that she was always with me.  I miss her so much that  it physically hurt some days.  But tonight, on this familiar drive, I was too nervous to be sad.  Tonight I was going to meet a guy.  My aunt and uncle had bought my grandmother’s house and I was meeting him at the house next door where some friends of ours lived. I cannot believe you agreed to do this! This guy is old and this is just desperate.  Well desperate is just what you are Jodie.  Need I remind you that you are 17 and have never. Had. A. Boyfriend! So, meet the old guy and maybe you will like him.  Ya’ll can do old people stuff together.  As I mentally tormented myself I remembered the feeling I experienced when I briefly met him the week before, but I pushed the thought aside.  I couldn’t explain the feeling, from just being in the same room as him, and I was weird enough without conjuring up any more reasons to confirm myself any more of a weirdo that I already was. 

I step out of the car into the dusky evening, and feel the warm air still holding on from the hot Arkansas summer day.  It was early September, September 4th to be exact.  The night my life would change forever.  The night God gave me the most precious gift I would ever receive.  A chance for a happy, peaceful, unimaginable love filled life.  The night he gave me James.

I sat on the church pew in between my mom and her best friend waiting for Sunday services to start.  My mom had rededicated her life to God and we had started attending the church my grandmother raised me in.  My mom leaned forward and spoke to a man sitting in front of us.  My mom spoke to everyone, so this was not unusual to me.  She leaned back and smiled at me.  Oblivious to her thoughts I smiled right back and went back to reading a leaflet that I had stuck in my bible cover.  Church started and the music service was underway.  We sang our hymns, took up the offering, and they called for special songs.  The guy my mom had talked to stood up.  Oh this dude is going to sing.  Hmmm.  Hope he is good.  The music starts and he begins his special.  He has a beautiful voice and I see something in his eyes that just seems like...”home”.   I know that is a weird word to describe it, but I just felt calm, like I could sit her in this place for a very long time.  I fade away into his voice and eyes like some kind of weirdo.  Suddenly I am yanked from this wonderful unexplainable place into reality as my mom and her best friend simultaneously start jabbing me in the sides and grinning like idiots.  I am annoyed by this.  They think I like him.  I do not like him!  I mean this guy is OLD.  I hope they are not thinking I need to talk to him…like that…like a boyfriend. I quickly make a facial expression that says, “Uhm I don’t think so”, and follow it up with a mental note to myself to SNAP OUT OF IT! Nothing is going to happen here. Nothing.

 I walk into the camper my family is temporarily living in until my parents new doublewide trailer is delivered.  My mom is sitting on one of the twin beds facing me.  She nonchalantly says, “Hey…what did you think of that guy that sang in church last Sunday?”  I reply annoyed, “He could sing.  Thank goodness. I hate those people that can’t sing, but get up there to hear themselves.  Has nothing to do with God and it gives me a headache. That is it. Why?”  I pause and catch a smile on her lips.  “DO NOT CALL HIM MOM! I MEAN IT! THAT IS SO LAME. HE IS OLD!”  I glare at her.  “Oh good lord child.  He is not old.  He is 23.” She says stifling a laugh.  “Mom…how do you know his age?”  I ask already knowing the answer to my question.  “I swear I did not call. He knows John and Crystal and he asked about you. Crystal called Naomi and she called me.  He wants to go out with you.” She pauses and braces for my reaction.  Slight panic sets in.  “I don’t want to meet him. What would I even say?  You know I don’t talk to guys.”  I say with desperation in my voice.  “Honey you need to…talk to guys…ya know?  You are 17 and its time…” she trails off.  “Time for what?   To get married for God’s sake! Mom you know I’m leaving here.  I’m going away to college.  I just don’t know...”  I say sounding less sure.  I wanted to go on a date, but it had just never happened.  Between being overweight and shy I guess it just never happened… I keep asking myself the same question, What will I even say to him?  Everything I ever thought about saying to any guy just sounded stupid when I said it in my head.  After much persuasion on my mom’s part the date was set.  

I walk up to the porch and there he sits.  He is talking with John and I can see him smile as he laughs at something Jon says.  I catch myself smiling at his smile, like a buffoon.  I quickly stop smiling just before he looks up.   Our eyes meet.  I take a deep breath against the resistance of the nervousness in my chest and squeak out a shaky “Hi…”  I notice he is quiet too.  I like this about him instantly.  John and Crystal start talking and we make plans to go to dinner at Danny’s 24 Hour Restaurant.  I don’t feel uneasy sitting close to him on the ride to the restaurant, which is weird for me.  I am always uneasy…around…well… everyone. Conversation is relaxed and I catch myself smiling at him over and over again for no reason.  Get a grip Jodie. He is going to think you are mentally handicapped.  As we head back home I just keep thinking I have to see him again.  I want to know him. I want to know everything about him.