Being a Submissive Wife HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

My inner feminist walks up to the podium.  She is wearing a sharp black business suit, hair slicked back in a tight French twist.  She pushes her black rim glasses up and taps on the microphone.  Thump! Thump! Thump! The sound resonates and sets a very serious tone for her address.  “We have reviewed the writings of Ephesians and Peter in regards to the commands submissiveness.” She chokes the word out as if it taste bad, and continues on. “However due to the fact that it is 2013, and well… I have a brain in my head”, her lips curve up in a sarcastic grin, “I reject the notion that I should submit to ANY man! After a thorough review of the scripture I have decided that Peter and Paul have misinterpreted the role of a wife/woman. We will not be recognizing this…this…ridiculousness!” she asserts her voice rising to a hostile tone as she finishes the lecture in my head.  At first I am shaking my head, popping my neck, and snapping my fingers! Shoot you got that right sister! Aint no man gonna tell me what to do and I got better sense than to listen to one.  Uhm, 1920 called and they want their mindset back!  I sit back, with my legs uncrossed (take that), very proud of myself for my strong willed ways.  I have a daughter to raise.  I don’t want any man stepping all over her! Crazy to think that God would have me submit to a man.

Just as I have made up my mind on the situation I feel a small tug on my heart.  I hear God say…all my words are good and right, and I know that in my heart this is correct.  So I decide that I need to study up on exactly what God wants to me be as a wife and if in fact it says I should be submissive. Brace yourself feminist across the world who do believe God’s word is the truth and the way…

1 Peter 3:  (ESV)

3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ² when they see your respectful and pure conduct. ³ Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— ⁴ but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. ⁵ For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, ⁶ as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Ephesians 5: (ESV)

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Hmmm.  My inner feminist rolls her eyes and goes back to career planning and research on equality of women.  I take a moment to pray over this.  I feel very (very) resistant to this and then God says…read a little further and here is what I found…

1 Peter 3:  (ESV)

⁷ Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you^[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Ephesians 5: (ESV)

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.^{[a] 28} In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

There is an awesome lady in the bible named Abigail.  Abigail married a fool named Nabal.  I would like to point out that the man’s name means “fool”.  You would think that may be a red flag for Abigail, but hey I have seen some girlfriends date and commit to some guys who should have had “fool” tattooed on their forehead.  

Click on the link for...

The Story of Abigail and her Fool Husband :)

Anyway, Abigail was able to remain submissive to Nabal at a time when she couldn’t remain obedient.  Her actions that were disobedient were carried out in order to spare this fool from getting killed by David.  She was able to save his life, but God later struck him dead and David took her as his wife. The reason I bring this up is because the word “submissive” conjures up the horrible mental picture of a frail woman whose eyes stay cast down to the grown as her overly obnoxious husband talks loudly about how awesome he is; only asking for his wife’s input when he wants her to confirm his belief about his awesomeness.  I see a weak person who is not given the option to think for herself.  She is not offered a chance for any meaningful input into her individual life or the married life she has with her husband.  I know for a fact that this is not what God intended!  Surely he did not make me this smart in order for me to sit around and never contribute! :-)

As I continue to ponder I read the scriptures over and over.  I start to see what God is telling me.  When I read submissive my heart whispers “humility”.  Humility is something hard to adjust to in your Christian walk.  All of us have a strong need to be treated with respect, and sometimes it feels like being humble means being less than others.  We automatically tense up and turn away from this method of thinking.  But pride and headstrongness means that you are focusing on yourself more than your walk with God.  Humbling yourself allows you to maintain that focus and live a life that displays God and his image through you.  As a Christian this should be one of your main focuses as you draw closer to God.  You want to know him better so you can introduce others to him.  Your role of submissiveness (humility) should be no different with your husband.  This is not a person you just walked up to on the street. 

So I tell myself and my inner feminist.  This is the man that you loved so much that I promised God you would love, honor, and obey.  If as a Christian you are vowing to humility in your service to God, then why do you find it so hard to extend this to your own husband.  Thankfully God did bless me with a husband who is a strong Christian man.  Most people that know James and me would laugh at the thought of me being submissive.  The fact of the matter is that I am very outgoing and outspoken in comparison to him.  Between Hannah and I he never gets a word in edgewise…but there is a more serious more private part of our marriage.  A part he has never taken advantage of and only uses to ensure my happiness.  There is a time when James speaks and I listen.  I listen and I respect his decision, even if I don’t completely understand it at the time.

It was Hannah’s first Christmas.  My family was planning on gathering and I knew they would be there, as they had most Christmas’ of my life.  Two of the men who abused me. I know this is shocking to everyone who hears it.  But, yes I was still expected to be a part of these men’s lives even after the abuse was reported.  No legal action was taken and I was basically told this “happens to all little girls” by my mother.  This year was the first time I had to consider not being at Christmas with my family.  I felt as though I didn’t want to stir trouble or create drama.  I actually considered just going to the Christmas gathering and holding on to my baby for dear life.  I was scared and confused.  It was horrible.  I remember clearly walking up to James and saying, “What should I do? Do I just tell them I will be sick.  They said he wasn’t going to do anything with everyone there (like I was ridiculous for even worrying about it in the first place)”.  He looked at me and said, “There is no question here.  My baby will not be there.  I love you so much and I want you to know that you don’t have to be there either.  You have every right not to go and to give the reason that you will no longer be associated with people who abused you.”  Something  just clicked in my mind and it was like I stepped outside myself and looked at this woman, so confused and so mistreated for so many years, that she was actually considering taking her child in the presence of the people who abused her.  Thankfully through the love and respect I had for my husband I submitted to his instruction and my eyes were opened.  My baby has never met any of my abusers and I have never spent another Christmas with them.