Seeing things from a Forgiving Perspective

Growing up in a small town where everyone knew everyone was not easy; especially when you are not wealthy, connected, or have parents who want to be involved in the community in any way. People don’t just know each other’s names…they know everything. Most of the people in White Hall grow up together, graduate together, and then settle down and raise another generation in this town. So when I say they know everything…I mean EVERYTHING. All the embarrassing details of family scandals past and present. All of the ugly mistakes made in the very difficult teenage years that most want to forget. Who is succeeding ans who is ailing according to the life rubric created by the towns most impressive people (the ones with money).

There was a time when I was young that I hated “White Hall”. I m not sure what that meant…I hated the town. I think I hated the cycle that I saw and how it negatively impacted me. I was never enrolled in any extracurricular activates other than a couple years of pee-wee football. During that time I was constantly reminded how it was a waste of time because you had to “know somebody” to succeed at anything in this town. I don’t think I realized the extent of poor parenting that was to blame. Anyway, so this perception is only compounded by the ugly parents and teachers that I encountered during the emotional storm I called my childhood.

There were the “nice moms” at school who told their daughters to be kind to me, but that I was not to be a “best friend”, then there were the ones who gossiped in front of their daughters about “who I was”…trash is probably the word used by some (mean moms). Being told that someone can’t be your friend on the playground because, “My mom said your parents drink and take drugs” was humiliating and devastating. I held a lot of anger at one mother in particular for many years. She probably inflicted the most unnecessary hurt on me because she was a “Christian” and didn’t want her children to be influenced by me. Influenced by an elementary age child? Hmmm. Well, you get my point. This was all very dreadful. Add the fact that I was chubby and shy on top of that and you have yourself a good picture painted. So this is all really sad and disheartening Jodie…why would you post such a thing to Face book. Well when I say I held anger I mean a big ole grudge! One that reminded me of my childhood sorrows and one that made me delight in the very rocky road that mother’s children experienced as teenagers. That is not the kind of feelings you want to have in your heart…ever. It is never okay to feel such anger and resentment toward a brother or sister in Christ.

Enter Solution…Hannah was born. Hannah got old enough to go to school…I started to understand what it meant to be a concerned mom. I saw this situation through a whole new, suddenly very understanding, set of eyes. As moms we are terrified for our children. We are working with everything we have to set them on a good path and keep everyone and everything from detouring that path to greatness! I caught myself one day when Hannah was telling me a dreadful story about a child in her class, where there were obvious emotional issues from the home setting, being the “nice mom”. Hannah you be very kind to everyone including this little girl, but… PAUSE. But what? Don’t be her “best friend”. STING! In that moment a swell of anger and resentment released. I said a silent prayer…God forgive me for the awful feelings I had toward those mothers (even the mean ones). Thank you for this new perspective. Help me to be the Christian woman and mother you would have me to be. I asked Hannah if she wanted to pray for the little girl, and I explained that not everyone has the home she has. I reminded her that she needs to be thankful for her blessings and try to be a good witness while at school. As she has grown we continue to come across similar situations.

I would like to say I have never advised her against a friendship, but that would be a lie. I have. Just like all other moms I want what is best for Hannah, but we do try and pray for those children and I try to always be an encouragement to them. I also teach Hannah of the importance of witnessing to her friends. For I remember very clearly the moms and daughters who witnessed to me through their kindness.